4th July 2006, Tuesday.

school had already started for like kinda 5 weeks. workload is getting heavier. the best part is i am fully aware of what's going on but i just cannot be bothered. what is wrong with me? i wanted to do well so much but something in me just kept telling me other-wise. argh. i'll just have to keep myself focus. i'll try my best. i finally able to taste the feeling of working and studying at the same time. and to be honest, it's not nice. it sucks in fact. i can't possibly quit studying nor working. first, i can't afford to not to study. second, i love the job that i am currently working at big time. the people there are ultimately nice, puppies are incredibly cute and the timing is way freaking flexible. third, i need money.(who doesn't?) which is why i just have to hang on. i am just tired. that's all. so no worries peeps.

at times, i thought i can do it all by myself. but i was so damm wrong. i really regretted. fuck myself big time. is there any way to turn back time? fuck it. i wouldn't wanna bring everything up again. what's over, it's all over. i know i'll not be forgiven no matter what i do for now. but just allow me to say this to you guys: "i am sorry for what i've done. i am sorry for letting you guys down. i am sorry for breaking up the trust and friendship. i am sincerely sorry." i wanted to apologise to you guys personally. but i just can't bring myself to. i am just afraid. i know i have no right to ask for forgivness. i know i wouldn't be forgiven. it's alright. i am the one who started all these shits. i understand how much you guys hate me. you guys might not forgive me, but please accept my apology. that's all i am asking for. i'll really appreciate it. thank you people. it's my stupidity that causes all these mess. i deserved it. i finally have the courage to bring myself to apologise to you guys. though the apology is not made to you guys personally, i hope you guys can still accept it. i just couldn't bring myself to face you guys. but no matter what it is, i am sorry...

friends out there who are always with me, a million thanks to you peeps. but there is one thing you guys got it wrong. "whatever does not kill you makes you stronger"? nah. bull shit. i think this sounds more realistic: "anything that is painful, it's good for you". whatever happened really hurt me deep. and to be honest, till today, i finally realise that what hurt me most is not losing her. it's about losing the friendship that i once had and cherish so much. it's about me breaking the trust in the friendship. it hurts. but whatever that was done cannot be undone. all i have to do now is treasure all my friends around me now. i'll love you peeps. actually i did treasure all the friendships i had. i swear i did. it's just that my stupidity level is way too high at times that i tend to do something silly, foolish and stupid without thinking of the consequences. i really hope i'll not let history repeats itself. i know it wouldn't. technically... ... ... i know it'll never ever happen again. NEVER!

alright. it's getting late. i am tired. sleeping soon. nitez... ... ... Zzzzzz





ps: happy birthday to you. i know this greeting is late for exactly a week and i guess you probably wouldn't want it as it's from me. i know you still hates me. i am sorry. hope you'll stay happy. all the best in whatever you are and will be doing... ... ...
sincerely sorry, 27/06(happy birthday!)



'never take a wrong step. there's only regrets and no returns.
-sleeping, Zzzzzzz....